I remember when I thought love was exactly how it is portrayed in the movies. This beautiful girl meets an attractive guy who seems to understand everything about her. They just "click" instantaneously - almost like love at first sight. He finishes her sentences, she laughs just the way he likes it and before you know it, they are totally caught up in each other. No doubt the next scene is a picture of a bed, white sheets, intense movement and some legs (if it is a so-called "clean" movie that is).
When I became a Christian, I actually thought the only thing wrong with those depictions of love was the sex part ... you know, fornication. In my mind, I believed I would one day meet that person who was just "perfect" for me, made to match me in every way. I thought I'd meet someone I'd never get tired of, someone I'd always want to listen to and be around, someone who always seemed to agree with me (as in, to truly share all my views and beliefs) and someone who would never disappoint me. Of course, when I put it that way, it's clear no one like that exists. And I really didn't have such a definition clearly expressed in my mind of who my future husband would be, but these thoughts formed my mentality when it came to looking/waiting for such a person.
I was rudely awakened by a dear friend of mine a few weeks ago. Somehow we ended up talking about love - and I realized just how skewed my thoughts on this subject were. I realized I didn't know what love truly was - even though I knew 1 Corinthians 13 like the back of my hand.
He enlightened me. Love understands that people will fall short of any particular standard. Love understands that differences may occur between individuals. Love is quite cognisant of the sick condition of humanity. But it endures despite these things. It is not dependent on the fulfillment of self-seeking requirements. These views were supported by God's word as my friend spoke, and I couldn't do anything but listen and agree. It's as if I could hear Jesus Himself speaking to His disciples.
"Turn the other cheek."
"Pray for those who despitefully use and persecute you."
"Bless those who curse you. Bless and do not curse."
My problem was this. I intended to find someone who fit my criteria and then I would love them. I didn't remember that the love of God doesn't wait for that. If it did, we would have no hope whatsoever. My heart was in the wrong place.
I realize now that when I do make a decision to commit to someone, I will be fully aware of the fact that he has flaws - and yet, I'll love him. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. It doesn't have to be satisfied or even reciprocated. It loves.
Indeed, marriage isn't an easy road. The secret to having a healthy marriage is not to find the perfect person; it is to commit to that person regardless of his/her imperfections. It is to honour the covenant that was made before God, even when you don't "feel" like you want to anymore. More marriages would stand if people heeded this. And I believe mine will stand - if I am given that wondeful opportunity to marry someone - thankfully because God used a friend to show me what love is.
