Since the last time I wrote ...

I haven't written in a very long time despite my efforts to start writing again. Well, that only means I should have quite a bit to say. My second semester of med school went well ... way better than the first and I thank the Lord for that! I mean, it was still rough at times but, I was way more consistent in pre-reading notes for class and this helped me to grasp lessons more easily. I started out with a passion for neuroscience and haematology (don't mean to sound like a nerd) and while neuro stood firm, my love my haematology was quickly replaced by my love for the respiratory syst. Anywhoo, I'm glad I could actually find stuff in these courses to like -- that really encouraged me to study more. I can only hope and pray that I will like most (if not all) of my courses next semester. But yes! First year med is OVER! NO TURNING BACK! I didn't fail a thing and I'm soooo relieved. Wow ... where would I be if not for Your grace Lord?

As I reflect on the year though, I realize much more has taken place than academic improvement. I have built valuable friendships that fuel my joy and keep me thanking the Lord for His mercies. There were times though when I felt I was being classed as the "technical" or "super-spiritual" one by even Christian friends and that was somewhat saddening. I felt they didn't understand my drive ... my motivation ... my desire to have nothing hinder my relationship with my Lord. And soon I began to question these things too. What's wrong with me? Am I really just technical like some seem to think? Maybe I should just stop everything ... stop caring ... stop wondering if God is in approval of my life or daily activities. But that didn't work out. I just couldn't do it. I decided to continue standing regardless of what happened. In many ways I felt alone but, in many ways God showed me I wasn't. And I became a part of closer bonds within my group of friends.

One particular friend has persistently managed to disturb my peace or esteem in some way or another. Unintentional? Yea, I know (or at least I think I know) but that hasn't ameliorated my pain in any way. There was a point where I used to fight with this person ALL the time (it seemed) but, then I actually tried to adapt to the personality he displayed to no avail. After a few months my efforts became worn out and every negative comment directed at me from him never failed to pierce some part of me. I was going to cut him off but I realized I had been doing so much venting to another friend and not as much praying. When I prayed about it last night, I felt God was telling me not to cut him off ... but to continue to pray and trust. God also warned me about my own talk - that I should ensure that I speak wholesome, uplifting words. I've given the situation over to the Lord and it is my prayer that my soul will be healed.

I've learned a few things about myself. I can be very shallow when it comes to guys. lol. Not shallow in the sense "omg, that guy is so cute" but shallow in that I can probably fall in-like with any guy that looks decent and plays an instrument skillfully. If he can sing?! Then wow ... I might fall in love. LOL. OK ... clearly I'm pushing it. I'm not THAT bad but still, things need to change. Sadly, I don't even know when to take myself seriously. I don't know when "this is different" will really be different! I just have to trust in God to reveal it yaah man cuz I really don't know.

Moving on still. I also realized how insecure I can be about me ... the way I look, talk, act etc. There are times when I question EVERYTHING and allow all the lies of the enemy to seep in (which is wrong ... duh). At other times though, it's like I can't help it ... almost like insecurity is a part of who I am. But I know that's another lie and I reject it in Jesus' name. Christian ppl have more authority than we think; just that we give the devil too much leeway in our lives. I've decided to start claiming God's Truth and rebuking satan's lies.

I know there's more to say but, I'll pause here for now. I'm sure there'll be more opportunities (God willing) to share my med year 1 adventures and lessons =D